Black Peter: Sins of the Father

[mundungus42.livejournal.com]

Title: Black Peter: Sins of the Father
Author: mundungus42
Word Count: 60
Rating: G
A/N: I'd normally post such things on Mrs. Hudson's Poetry Page, but I ended up being able to make this exactly 60 words, so here you go!

The sins of the father on daughter and wife
Portend exultation when ceaseth his life.
The sins of the father arrive on the son,
By penury, prison, suspicion undone.
Thus sin begat sorrow and hatred alike
Foretelling its end at the end of a spike.
In mystery asea, as in mystery ashore,
The sin that’s uncovered will fester no more.

Comments

[laurose8.livejournal.com]

Great! Asea is good. Thank you. And for posting it separately. So late, I would have missed it on the poetry page.

[thesmallhobbit.livejournal.com]

What an excellent way of bringing together so many of the threads. And congratulations on the exactly 60 words.

[mundungus42.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! I had "the sins of the father" in my head yesterday when I was playing with Welsh/Cornish poetry, but I couldn't fit it into any of the shorter forms I used. I'm glad it decided to become something different.

[mundungus42.livejournal.com]

Gosh, thank you! I had "the sins of the father" running through my head yesterday, but I wasn't able to smush it into any of the shorter forms. I started writing it today out of morbid curiosity, since I had no idea how many words the idea wanted to be until I'd written it. I got it down to 61, and though I normally avoid obviously archaic words, "ceaseth" was what got me down to 60 :D

[scfrankles.livejournal.com]

Oh, it's a great feeling when you write your first 60 word poem. (debriswoman has an awful lot to answer for ^_^)

You know, I had to look up "asea" - I wasn't sure whether you'd made it up or if it had existed before. Wonderful word ^^ I love the line: Portend exultation when ceaseth his life. And I love the positive and hopeful ending to your poem.

[mundungus42.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! I've never liked the whole "sins of the father" thing in concept (I'm looking at you, Tolstoy and Ibsen!), for all that I think it's a fantastic phrase, so I'm glad this story handed me the opportunity to be optimistic in a tin box on a silver platter.

Hee, you identified the very line that that I used to whittle down the word count to 60 from 62 words :D Funny the way the 60 requirement forces us to refine our natural inclinations, or in my case, use longer words to replace several shorter ones :D And oh yes, Debriswoman's weekly offerings set the bar quite high!

[debriswoman]

This is wonderful.
You have managed to comment on the main themes of the tale and summarise much of the plot in such elegant phrases:-)
Every word counts.

[mundungus42.livejournal.com]

Oh squee! Thank you so much for your kind words! Coming from the poetry queen, this means a great deal. *smooches you* And oh LORDY, does every word count! I don't know that I'll have an idea so well suited to 60 words every week, but it's definitely a fun challenge!

[debriswoman]

I look forward to seeing what you come up with:-)
Handy hint re word count...words which can be hyphenated or unhyphenated, or which can be split into 2, or as one, are your friends when it comes to final count working:-p

[gardnerhill.livejournal.com]

Beautifully done! A lot of father issues in that story.