Canon Story: The Veiled LodgerTitle: Own x 5
Author:
spacemutineerRating: PG-13
Summary: A condensed argument in 60 word pieces. Old words come back to haunt when things come to a head over Holmes' drug use.
Author's Note: I am so sorry, everyone, for my terrible modding and totally inconsistent writing in the last few months. Many exciting things have been happening in my life, but it is a lot of change at once for me, and my anxiety, which is always an issue, has been totally out of hand. I've been so upset about letting you all down, and that has made things spiral worse, as I avoid commenting because I'm so embarrassed about how infrequently I've been commenting. It's so stupid and circular, and so hard to stop. I'm really sorry, you guys. I'm extremely embarrassed about everything, and I want to thank you for hanging in with us despite my crap mod work. I love you all for trying this silly, wonderful thing with me, and I want to a good job for you to keep you coming back. I hate it that I've been failing so badly.
"Every time you bury that needle in your arm you are dancing with death."
Beneath heavy lids, Holmes smiles. "She is such an enthralling dance partner, after all. She may take the lead in distant days, but I've been a step ahead for this long. Death shall find I do not relinquish control so easily, and never to a woman."
***
"As flippant as ever. Now you're smarter, faster even than death itself. Or so the cocaine tells you. But, tell
me, what happens if you're wrong?"
"Wrong about what? The dosage? If I am wrong, I die. That should be easy enough to understand, even for you, Doctor."
The needle and bottle spray shards when they hit the wall.
***
"You are a self-centered hypocrite!"
"I never claimed to be anything more. You're the one who prefers to pretend I am some kind of hero. Your fantasies are your own, Watson. I accept the real world instead. I am a venal narcissist. I use myself however I may well please and I make apologies to no one for it."
***
"And you certainly won't need to make any apologies for it when I find your body draped over this chair some morning either. With your eyes rolled back into your head, you'll have little to be concerned about, I suppose."
"Just say it, Watson. I know you've been brewing some grandstanding statement for me. Spit it out. Let's hear it."
***
"Only this. 'Your life is not your own. Keep your hands off it.'"
Holmes' comeback is not instantaneous this time.
"That was different. She was considering suicide."
"And her poison is more predictably effective than yours, which makes everything entirely dissimilar."
"Watson. I'm not going to kill myself."
"Not intentionally. You'll forgive me if I find little comfort in that."