The Retired Colourman: Noir isn't Black and White, it's Grey

[okapi1895.livejournal.com]

Canon Story: The Retired Colourman
Rating: Teen for (what I hope is) noir-ish inuenndo
Summary: Alternate ending for Mister Barker and Mrs. Amberley

“Thank you, Mister Barker.”
“My pleasure.” He handed her the documents. “America. Wise choice. I understand it's an accommodating destination for your kind.”
“My kind? Wives who survive their mad husbands’ murder-chambers?”
“Women who best Sherlock Holmes.”
She smiled. “Do you play chess, Mister Barker?”
“Not a bit of it.” He kissed the inside of her wrist.
“Neither do I.”

Comments

[thesmallhobbit.livejournal.com]

I like this version immensely.

[okapi1895.livejournal.com]

Thank you! After Barker grew on me, I liked to imagine him the hardboiled PI and Mrs. Amberley the femme fatale.

[laurose8.livejournal.com]

A very nice idea, and well told. The bit about chess is particularly good.

[okapi1895.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I was going for a noir-ish you-know-how-to-whistle? line.

[debriswoman]

You give the conversation a great atmosphere
Excellent happier ending:-)

[okapi1895.livejournal.com]

Thank you, thank you! That was the goal, so always nice to hear that it hit the mark. Yeah, I find the murder-room bit incredibly creepy.

[debriswoman]

Yes...worked really well:-)

[gardnerhill.livejournal.com]

Very Bogart-and-Bacall! And I can see Barker helping her if only to pull one over on that Baker Street smartass.

[okapi1895.livejournal.com]

Yes, yes! That is what I was going for! Double Indemnity with a happier ending. And Barker as the hardboiled PI with a good heart and Mrs. Amberley as the femme fatale.

[scfrankles.livejournal.com]

I love your title ^^ And I love those last three lines - especially: He kissed the inside of her wrist. A restrained eroticism to it - which paradoxically just makes it even more erotic.

[okapi1895.livejournal.com]

Thank you! A nod to the noir genre and to Barker's spectacles (which along with the Masonic tie pin don't really make him a master of disguise, no?). And I can do subtle! I can! But the genre is about tension and metaphors and restraint, too.