The Red-headed League: John Clay

[thesmallhobbit.livejournal.com]

Canon Story: The Red-headed League
Author: thesmallhobbit
Rating: G




John Clay
Thought he had made his day
Until climbing out of a hole
He found he was not the first to his goal.

Comments

[vaysh]

I have to admit that John Clay's character fascinated me the most in the story, so I am very glad that he is honoured with a clerihew. Precise rhyming, as always, and a great summary of the frustrating experience this whole endeavour must have been for Clay.

[thesmallhobbit.livejournal.com]

It was such a great plan; he must have been furious when it came to nothing. I felt he deserved a clerihew.

[undonne.livejournal.com]

Expresses Clay's frustration so, so well. I had actually forgotten the character of Clay from my first reading of REDH years ago.

[thesmallhobbit.livejournal.com]

Apart from possibly having the easiest name to rhyme, it was nice to be able to choose a character who had a certain depth.

[debriswoman]

Nicely rhymed and very apt:-)

[thesmallhobbit.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

[scfrankles.livejournal.com]

It's so frustrating to fail:
The "goal" has been rearranged to "gaol".

(Please don't look at me like that.)

[thesmallhobbit.livejournal.com]

Especially when you have royal blood in your veins
And the planning has taken a lot of pains

(Why not?)

[scfrankles.livejournal.com]

The Duke's grandson was a great deal less starchy
With his chum Archie.

(The unwavering stare is making me nervous.)

[thesmallhobbit.livejournal.com]

Another one with bright red hair
Who together with Wilson made a truly fiery pair

(So it should!)

[scfrankles.livejournal.com]

Clumps of fiery hair are constantly swept up by Wilson's cleaning girl.
She's thinking of giving shop work a whirl.

(*averts gaze*)

[thesmallhobbit.livejournal.com]

There's a vacancy at the newsagent's shop
Which must be better than having to spend hours with a mop.

(*clears throat loudly*)

[scfrankles.livejournal.com]

At the newsagent's she sorts through the papers.
Unfortunately, her constricting corset gives her an attack of the vapours.

(*backs away slowly, keeping eyes averted*)

[thesmallhobbit.livejournal.com]

Searching for air she heads to the door
But can't manage it and falls to the floor.

(*advances*)

[scfrankles.livejournal.com]

Face down in the papers, nose buried in type
Her professional opinion is that this floor could do with a bit of a wipe...

(*goes into odd backwards hopping - attempting to run backwards while giving the impression of being calm and collected and not running*)

[thesmallhobbit.livejournal.com]

But soon she is found by kind Dr Watson
Who has come to buy a paper, accompanied by his dachshund.

(*watches as Frankles trips and falls flat on her back*)

[scfrankles.livejournal.com]

(*moans piteously*)

Patting the dachshund, she asks if the doctor also wants an opossum.
They've found 12, if he's los' some.

[thesmallhobbit.livejournal.com]

The doctor replies that he already has an ocelot
And wonders kindly whether she may have lost the plot.

(*looks with disdain and thinks it might be a good idea to go to bed*)

[scfrankles.livejournal.com]

She retorts that she knows how to bring a plot to a happy ending
But that remains pending.

(*Frankles wishes SH a good night from a prone position, assuring her that the agony is tolerable*)

[thesmallhobbit.livejournal.com]

And so into the shop comes a very young policeman
Who offers to help her and tells her he's Stan.

(*trusts that Frankles has managed to get up faster than the maid is*)

[scfrankles.livejournal.com]

Her head snaps up from the floor as he comes into sight.
Stanley's a bit of all right.

(*Frankles has returned to an upright position and has somehow managed to find a deckchair to sit in*)

[thesmallhobbit.livejournal.com]

He offers her an arm and she manages to stand
But even once upright she holds onto his hand.

(*hopes this isn't the deckchair belonging to the Giant Rat of Sumatra*)

[scfrankles.livejournal.com]

She awakes from a daydream at the point he's just kissed her.
'Cos he's saying she looks like his dear little sister.

("I'm so sorry, sir. I didn't realise-- Shall I just..? Sorry, was that your tail? Sorry. There - I'm going. It's all yours...")

[thesmallhobbit.livejournal.com]

But then he's asking her if she'd like to walk out
And his smile is entrancing, of that there's no doubt.

(This started out as a perfectly innocent clerihew. We seem to have half a zoo now)

[scfrankles.livejournal.com]

Mr. Holmes rushes in with news of a case.
Stanley dashes off so quickly, she's once more left flat on her face.

(A small mouse may have alerted Holmes as to where Hopkins could be found but this hasn't been confirmed.) (One more for the menagerie...)

[thesmallhobbit.livejournal.com]

Dr Watson goes and she gets to her feet
Then another man enters, not the sort she wants to meet.

(*throws down gauntlet* this is a baddy, can Frankles pick it up and run with it? Hmm, may be a mixed metaphor)

[scfrankles.livejournal.com]

(*picks up mixed metaphor and slaps SH round the chops with it*)


"We're closed," she declares. "I must go home and - sorry - start tea!"

He smirks. "Let me introduce myself. My name's Moriarty."


(Stick that in your gauntlet and smoke it.)

[thesmallhobbit.livejournal.com]

"You're coming with me, for I have a plan,
If all works out well, I shall have captured my man."

(Those are not smoke signals, the gauntlet is on fire.)

[scfrankles.livejournal.com]

Murder, extortion - the professor's committed all the top sins.
And now he's setting a trap to kidnap young Hopkins!

("And what do you like to do in your free time, Frankles?" "Oh, I get together with like-minded folk and indulge in Competitive Clerihew Writing...")

(*approaches SH and gauntlet with large bucket of water*)

[thesmallhobbit.livejournal.com]

Moriarty pushes the maid towards a cab he's had wait
What will become of her? What will be her fate?

(*finds hose reel to defends self from Frankles*)

[scfrankles.livejournal.com]

They're dashing through London! Whither towards?
Our heroine shivers as they pull up outside Madame Tussaud's...

(*wrings out t-shirt and stomps off in search of a towel*)

[thesmallhobbit.livejournal.com]

She doesn't know what will happen but doesn't want to be covered in wax
So she drops little bits of paper and hopes someone can follow her tracks

(*puts on wellies and finds mop and bucket*)

[scfrankles.livejournal.com]

(*returns with towel elegantly wrapped around head*)

But Moriarty has already left clues to put Hopkins on the trail.
This little paper-girl will deliver the male.

[thesmallhobbit.livejournal.com]

(show off!)

Hopkins has followed all of Moriarty's clues
But isn't falling into the trap, he has his own ruse.

[scfrankles.livejournal.com]

Our heroine is imprisoned behind a wax figure who likes to detect.
If you’re thinking S. Holmes then you’d be correct.

Now Hopkins lights a huge fire in each of the grates.
And so Moriarty is soon in dire straits.

The figures all soften and the professor has more wax than he can handle.
He screams as he’s turned into a decorative candle.

The freed maid beams at Hopkins, she’s wooed by his charms.
And then frowns as the wax Holmes melts into his arms.

(Sorry - I really wanted to use that last line but I had to get there first ^^")

[thesmallhobbit.livejournal.com]

see below!

[marta-bee.livejournal.com]

A nice tribute to a very interesting character. Good work. :-)

[thesmallhobbit.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much.

[thesmallhobbit.livejournal.com]

Quickly she helps Hopkins to remove his coat
And looks him over for injuries, but there are none to note.

Hopkins smiles gratefully and thanks his young miss
Then sweeps her in his arms and gives her a kiss.

(that's okay - I know the feeling - and at least this way anyone, should they be mad enough - can read this!)

[scfrankles.livejournal.com]

(Yes, we want to make it as easy as possible for people to peruse our personal insanity... ^^")

The sound of running - and two men enter.
The young couple stiffen, but it's Doctor Watson with Stanley's mentor!

When Hopkins explains about the candle-making trick,
Holmes grins: "Moriarty always did get on my wick."

(You knew about the puns when we started. You can't back out now...)

[thesmallhobbit.livejournal.com]

"But now he is turned into another exhibit."
And that is the end, our story is writ.

(Because tomorrow is another day and another story)