The Disappearance of Lady Frances Carfax: Undertaker's Advertisement

[thesmallhobbit.livejournal.com]

Canon Story: The Disappearance of Lady Frances Carfax
Title: Undertaker's Advertisement (as featured in the Marylebone Illustrated)
Author:thesmallhobbit
Rating: G

We provide all that is required for the funeral of a loved one: an excellent choice from our wide selection of coffins; a suitable hearse pulled by four splendid black horses wearing ostrich feather plumes on their heads; the wide silk hat bands, silk scarves and black gloves so necessary for all those attending; even the epitaph can be arranged.

Comments

[scfrankles.livejournal.com]

I am wondering what the cost might be to hold a funeral for a gentleman - about six foot but of slender build. And I would of course want to hold a celebration reception afterwards.

(A woman can dream...)

[thesmallhobbit.livejournal.com]

We can offer an all encompassing price of ten guineas. Do you have a date in mind yet?

[scfrankles.livejournal.com]

Well, he set fire to the sitting room again this morning, so I think the date is getting closer and closer...

I mean, I am sure it will not be for many years yet. No.

[thesmallhobbit.livejournal.com]

We do charge extra if we are expected to provide the deceased as well as the funeral. Alternatively, if you would care to select the coffin we could have it delivered in advance.

[okapi1895.livejournal.com]

Hey what about that bell with the string to the finger (I don't know the name of it, I'm sure it has one) just in case the dearly departed is only NEARLY departed!

[thesmallhobbit.livejournal.com]

This can indeed be provided, but at an extra cost. And please do not expect a refund if it proves to be the case that the deceased is not in fact so.

[debriswoman]

Gosh, they provide everything but the freshly deceased!

[thesmallhobbit.livejournal.com]

Now, that does come as an extra cost.

[debriswoman]

Can I pay the extra in instalments?

[thesmallhobbit.livejournal.com]

That can be arranged.

[debriswoman]

Is there much call for this service?

[thesmallhobbit.livejournal.com]

Not generally, but we are always willing to accommodate a paying customer.